The Angle

The Tailgate: Minnesota United Loses Its MLS Debut 5-1

by on 7 March 2017

This week we ask the fans: “Minnesota United began its MLS journey in inauspicious fashion with a 5-1 loss to the Portland Timbers — the worst loss by a team playing its first league game in MLS history.  What is your take on United’s poor opener?”


“Awkward, embarrassed, tearful, Bob Ross in the background… Minnesota lost its virginity more or less the same way I did.”

Benjamin Gifford, Bismark Injector


 “But Christian Ramirez is on pace to score 34 goals!”

Marguerite Pearl, Stay-at-Work Mother



“Portland fans were so hungover after the win that traveling Minnesotans even beat them to the brunch lines the next morning.”

Tanika Scott, TMZ Face Blurrer


“If your team is called the Timbers, I think cutting a tree seems like an odd celebration.  That would be like shooting a duck every time Minnesota scores.”

Dylan Retspi, McGriddle Fabricator


“I heard Portlanders were rioting in the streets, overturning bicycles, and lighting compost bins on fire.”

Daniel Cobbler, Mortgage Finance Enthusiast


What do YOU think? Tell us in the comments.

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