The Angle

The Tailgate: Minnesota United Begins U.S. Open Cup Campaign

by on 14 June 2017

This week, we ask the fans: “Minnesota United FC begins its first U.S. Open Cup tournament as an MLS side Wednesday against familiar foe Sporting Kansas City. What’s your take on the match, the tournament, and on Minnesota’s chances?”


“There are pro/am golf tournaments, too. The only difference is the fans don’t drape spray painted bed sheets over the ad boards demanding the amateurs be allowed into the PGA.”

Mya Chin, Dog Fight Promoter


“The Open Cup is not that important. Use this opportunity to give your backups a rest for once, as they have been pulling all the weight.”

Chut Brimsley, Dog Fight Relegator



“This tournament is Minnesota’s best chance at making the CONCACAF Champions League and being humiliated by a squad of half-interested Mexican 18-year-olds.”

JaKobe Brussels, Mortgage Backed Securities Speculator

“Around this time of year, I usually hold my meditation classes in the bleachers of local Open Cup games. It’s just so quiet and peaceful, not a soul around to bother us.”

Blint Evian, Coal Mine Canary Cremator


“Bobby gets a concussion and a broken nose, and now with a perfect chance to give squad players some time, I still can’t get a spot start here and there. I’m almost certain Shuttleworth has naked pictures of Adrian Heath he’s blackmailing him with.

John Alvbåge, Minnesota United Goalkeeper


What do YOU think? Tell us in the comments.

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