The Angle

The Tailgate: The Potential Return Of Christian Ramirez

by on 3 January 2017

In our new weekly feature, we ask fans around the grill for their opinions on the latest Minnesota soccer news. This week we ask the fans: “Current rumors suggest the Loons could be on the cusp of signing Christian Ramirez to an MLS contract. What’s your take?”

 

pro-rel-guy
“I can’t quite think of a way to make this an example of why America needs promotion/relegation, but I’ll grasp at a few straws and have your Twitter feed flooded in a couple of hours.”

Ryan Gustafson, Website Hit Counter

 

30-something-woman

 “Very excited about this move. Ramirez lit up NASL teams so bad most of them defected to other leagues to avoid him.”

Eliana Lopez, Candlestick Tester

 

 

30-something-white-guy

“My fortune cookie suggests he will have big luck in a new endeavor if he is deployed as a number 7, 10, 14, 22, or 46.”

Vernon Bruek, Onion Bloomer

 

 

30-something-white-woman“Great news. United should be set with a full starting XI in time for the 2018 opener.”

Tashida Roland, Open Mic Host

 

 

20-something-white-guy“Ultimately, this is pretty disappointing. How am I supposed to pretend I know all about a foreign signing no one has heard of when we sign someone everyone knows?”

Dylan Retspi, Coal Miner

 

What do YOU think? Tell us in the comments.

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  • Jim Oliver

    This is valuable content.

    • Offensive Loons Fan

      It’s about giving the fans a voice. We live to serve.

  • Dave Laidig

    This gives me great hairstyle suggestions. I’m going to ask for the “Vernon” next time I’m in the salon.

  • itsallgood013

    I feel bad for you. If you’ve been… umm… relegated… to making Onionesque articles about a signing, you know it’s a slow news cycle. It would be nice of the club to give you something to actually write about. I’ve been as anxious about player signings/kit styling as the next fan. But I can’t imagine what it’s like when it’s your job and you get nothing.

  • Matt

    So is this feature going to be like the Onion every time? Confused if this whole feature is just a joke or will be an actual thing.

  • Dave DuJour

    Good to see that news stories are as factual and reliable in 2017 as they were in 2016. Gotta keep up those standards!
    /sarcasm

  • Andrew Lovgren

    BREAKING: Area Man Enjoys FiftyFive.One Satire

  • Bill Stenross

    Is Dylan actually Jamie Watson?

  • TeresaFC

    I think Tashida is a little overly optimistic. Let’s not get carried away! I think Dylan was at the table next to me the other day at lunch…

  • Dan
    • Offensive Loons Fan

      I hate you.