The Angle

The Tailgate: The Potential Return Of Christian Ramirez

by on 3 January 2017

In our new weekly feature, we ask fans around the grill for their opinions on the latest Minnesota soccer news. This week we ask the fans: “Current rumors suggest the Loons could be on the cusp of signing Christian Ramirez to an MLS contract. What’s your take?”


“I can’t quite think of a way to make this an example of why America needs promotion/relegation, but I’ll grasp at a few straws and have your Twitter feed flooded in a couple of hours.”

Ryan Gustafson, Website Hit Counter



 “Very excited about this move. Ramirez lit up NASL teams so bad most of them defected to other leagues to avoid him.”

Eliana Lopez, Candlestick Tester




“My fortune cookie suggests he will have big luck in a new endeavor if he is deployed as a number 7, 10, 14, 22, or 46.”

Vernon Bruek, Onion Bloomer



30-something-white-woman“Great news. United should be set with a full starting XI in time for the 2018 opener.”

Tashida Roland, Open Mic Host



20-something-white-guy“Ultimately, this is pretty disappointing. How am I supposed to pretend I know all about a foreign signing no one has heard of when we sign someone everyone knows?”

Dylan Retspi, Coal Miner


What do YOU think? Tell us in the comments.

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  • Jim Oliver

    This is valuable content.

    • Offensive Loons Fan

      It’s about giving the fans a voice. We live to serve.

  • Dave Laidig

    This gives me great hairstyle suggestions. I’m going to ask for the “Vernon” next time I’m in the salon.

  • itsallgood013

    I feel bad for you. If you’ve been… umm… relegated… to making Onionesque articles about a signing, you know it’s a slow news cycle. It would be nice of the club to give you something to actually write about. I’ve been as anxious about player signings/kit styling as the next fan. But I can’t imagine what it’s like when it’s your job and you get nothing.

  • Matt

    So is this feature going to be like the Onion every time? Confused if this whole feature is just a joke or will be an actual thing.

  • Dave DuJour

    Good to see that news stories are as factual and reliable in 2017 as they were in 2016. Gotta keep up those standards!

  • Andrew Lovgren

    BREAKING: Area Man Enjoys FiftyFive.One Satire

  • Bill Stenross

    Is Dylan actually Jamie Watson?

  • TeresaFC

    I think Tashida is a little overly optimistic. Let’s not get carried away! I think Dylan was at the table next to me the other day at lunch…

  • Dan
    • Offensive Loons Fan

      I hate you.