While many American soccer fans latch on to the Final Four style celebration of the FIFA World Cup Finals there are still hundreds of squads to be weeded out in the earlier rounds. So, this occasional feature will offer a chance to go down the rabbit hole and start caring about those teams eliminated in the earlier stages of the competition. After all, while “One Shining Moment” Montages love to end with a thrilling buzzer beater and confetti explosion, they are even more satisfying with a crying flutist or two.
A few days ago, we recognized one batch of heart-broken, would-be-bracket-busters. Here now are the World Cup corollaries to said sad flautists,along with a farewell in their local language, and a comparison of how they performed in years past.
128 Thwa Dau Me, Myanmar: 2014 Finish 184 (+56)
Why they lost: Four years ago, we pinned their defeat on that all encompassing of villains, the military junta. This time, it’s a little more logical: deprived of all home matches (see the in-match violence that contributed to their elimination last time round), it was vital to gather up as many road points as possible. But a late goal in Lebanon and a fail to scramble home a winner in Laos left them in fourth rather than second.
What we’ll miss: Awkward photo ops for Aun San Suu Kyi. Nobel Peace Prize Winner, Parlimentarian, “State Counselor”/Power-Behind-the-Throne in Myanmar’s politics, and burgeoning football fan!
127 Khuda Hafez, Afghanistan: 2014 Finish #200 (+73)
Why they lost: Still young, still growing, still optimistic, Afghanistan notched their first point ever in World Cup Qualifying. In fact they notched 9 points in 8 games, both massive improvements for the team. The downside is that the points all came against fellow lower tier squads like Cambodia and Singapore while juggernaut South Korea (and shocking story Syria) ran roughshod over them.
What we’ll miss: With players bringing their training from refugee locales around the world, the mixing of Afghanistan’s Swedish, German, Dutch, and American roots makes them a veritable stew…or since we’re talking about Afghanistan…a Chalau for the masses.
126 Allah Yisallimak, Bahrain: 2014 Finish #130 (+4)
Why they lost: With so many other rounds of qualifying knocked off before Asia wrapped up, it looks like Bahrain got a little better…but don’t be fooled, this is a sharp decline from a team that twice in the last decade, was one match away from a World Cup debut. Maybe their golden generation has rusted, maybe they’re despondent that Sheikh Salman wasn’t elected as president, or maybe they’re the poster children for how oodles of FIFA money can’t buy you a trip to the big show.
What we’ll miss: Poking fun at Sheikh Salman, I mean…c’mon, he was nearly the most powerful man in football AND a Human Rights abuser! Such a better villain than another bald European linked to offshore bank accounts again…c’mon let’s not totally buy into cliches, people!!
125 Paalam, Phillipines: 2014 Finish #185 (+60)
Why they lost: I was rather bullish on The Azkals/Street Dogs at the start of this round, but they whimpered on the way to the finish line through a stunning 1-0 loss at home to bottom of the heap Yemen.
What we’ll miss: The logo that appears on most national team broadcasts: that’s a dog that looks like it would even take a bite out of Manny Pacquiao!
124 Smell Ya Later, Singapore: 2014 Finish #138 (+14)
Why they lost: At the end of the day, second place Syria was simply better than Singapore. Big defeats home and away broke up a promising opening half of the campaign, and punctuated a miserable final three defeats in a row.
What we’ll miss: I would say the by now psychic team chemistry between 120+ cap duo Baihakki Khaizan and Shahril Izak, but as they both play for the Malaysia’s favorite B Team (Johor Da’Rul Tazim) they’re nearly inescapable. So I’ll just say the dream of covering a game in Singapore and writing off drinks at the Raffles bar as a business expense.
123 ‘Illa-liqaa, Lebanon: 2014 Finish #95 (-28)
Why they lost: As their greatest offensive outburst (a seven goal thumping of Laos) Lebanon can thrive when playing in from the wings, but their inability to repeat that feat against non-Laotian sides like Kuwait and South Korea tamped down their goal difference and stopped them from making their second straight trip to the last round of qualification.
What we’ll miss: A host of young debutantes have a chance to make a real impact on the Cedars in years to come. Most notable FSV Mainz’s goal keeper in waiting: Daniel Zeaiter.
122 Ila Al-Liqa, Palestine: 2014 Finish #178 (+56)
Why they lost: Palestine needs a much wider pipeline into the burgeoning world of Chilean/Palestinian prospects. The path blazed by defender Alexis Norambuena has now led to Yashir Pinto, who netted two goals in his first ever national cap.
What we’ll miss: Any chance to see more matches in the Palestinian territory. After all, if they can host a match in Jerusalem or Hebron, it’s because they have a safe environment for foreign teams, referees, journalists and observers. And the more safety there is in Palestine, the better for everyone.
121 Sag Bolun, Turkmenistan: 2014 Finish #177 (+56)
Why they lost: Turkmenistan was at their best at their home stadium in Ashgabat, City of White Marble and gargantuan golden statues of former President for Life Saparmurat Niyazov (who may also have named himself President of the After-Life, reports are vague). Had they been able to take all that white marble with them to Tehran, Oman or Guam, they might not have lost those matches.
What we’ll miss: The dream of a beautiful holiday match in Ashgabat, with the traditional festive decorations like luminary bowls of porridge!
120 Jakshy Kalyngydzar, Kyrgyzstan. 2014 Finish: 188 (+68)
Why they lost: As we all know, as FC Dordoi goes, so goes the Kyrgyz national team….okay, maybe we don’t all know that. The Yellow Blue of FC Dordoi Bishkek have put 19 players on the national team in the last year alone. But while that unity often pays off for national teams with cohesive squad mentalities (see Spain), Dordoi’s struggles against reigning champions Aly Osh may have affected their confidence.
What we’ll miss: Kyrgyzstan is a 30 point Scrabble word…if only they allowed Proper Nouns!
119 Allah yisallimak, Oman. 2014 Finish #92 (-27)
Why they lost: Oman seems to be that perpetual bridesmaid of Asian soccer. Always on the cusp of breaking through, never actually doing it. It may have become part of their whole identity, like the Cubs or the Clippers. They’ve even begun to shuffle blithely to their doom in smaller contests like the Gulf Cup of Nations. Oman needs a win, a convincing, commanding triumph to get back on track. Perhaps they could host Andorra?
What we’ll miss: If Daniel Zeaiter is the future of Goalkeeping, let’s take a moment to tip our cap to the past in Ali Al-Habsi whose 118 national team appearances (and track record in the Premiership) have set a lofty standard for his heirs to the gloves in Oman.
118 Jongin, Hong Kong: 2014 Finish: #189 (+71)
Why they lost: In the NCAA tournament field they talk about “signature wins”, impressive wins against vaunted opponents. Hong Kong needed one of those. Two scoreless draws against mainland rivals (both athletically as well as socially and politically: China. Against a backdrop of the umbrella revolution and perpetual soft power exertion by Xi Jingping, Hong Kong would have thrilled to beat their overlords opponents, or at least settled for eliminating them from the competition. (Poor performances by our next two eliminated squads couldn’t even give them that small solace)
What we’ll miss: Triumphs for democracy.
117 Annyong hi-Kashipishio, North Korea. 2014 Finish: #133 (+16)
Why they lost: There’s a little bit of pressure on the Thousand Mile Horse (Chollima in Korean). Failure may be met with torture or public shaming. So with victory with less than 10 minutes to see out a victory that would move them on to the final round of qualifying, it is entirely plausible that the pressure got to them in Manila: ceding two late goals and beginning the long, slow march back to Pyongyang.
What we’ll miss: Pak Kwang-ryong. The lone North Korean to play in Europe (in the Swiss League)…but I’ve also struggled to identify where he’s playing at present. If you google yourself Kwang-ryong: STOP READING. Run, Run, RUN NOW.
116 Salaam, Jordan. 2014 Finish: #34 (-82)
Why they lost: The Chivalrous had a difficult time putting the ball through in the final third. Take away their shellackings of Bangladesh and their 21 goal outburst shrinks to 9. Part of that may come from the revolving door in the manager’s seat since their inter-confederation playoff three years ago. Six coaches including two non-consecutive terms for local Jordanian, Ahmed Abdel-Qader, two ill-fated Brits (including a despondent Harry Redknapp) http://gty.im/518048800 http://gty.im/518048800 http://gty.im/518048800 http://gty.im/518048800 http://gty.im/518048800 and one hapless Belgian have left a once promising squad adrift and listless.
What we’ll miss: The vanishing Jordanian strike force of Abdallah Deeb (pushed back to the midfield) and Mossab al-Laham (uncalled for a year, and stalled out on the club side).
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